My Take On Things - Or, Me Venting

Looking online this week I found the following blog, which lists other blogs that are about adoption/loss/infertility.

List of Blogs

On one of these blogs I found the following and it got me thinking. Here's the link to the blog itself. In the turquoise color is the original post I found. My response is in black.

The Great Divide

Posted on April 14, 2011

You’re pregnant…I’m paper pregnant (aka: have a completed home study) OK I can see this, though for us it felt more like when we finished our orientation weekend.

You’re reading pregnancy books and parenting books…I’m reading adoption blogs and birth mother profiles. I'm also reading adoption blogs, books on adoption & parenting books...why would you not also be reading the parenting books? The whole point is that you are going to be a parent you just had to go about it a different way.

You’re decorating a nursery…I’m decorating an adoption scrapbook for birth mothers to review. We also made an adoption profile, but we also are decorating a nursery. Not sure why you wouldn't do this, and if not a nursery at least getting a kids room ready! They seem to be taking all the fun and exciting stuff out just because they are adopting, and I'm not really sure why.

You’re scared of stretch marks and how you are going to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight…I’m scared of the potential health consequences of not ever being pregnant (increased cancer risk, etc.) this one I did agree with, but again why are they being such a Debbie Downer? No one knows if they will eventually get cancer, or Alzheimer's or any health issue. Why waste time worrying about it?

You’re worried if breastfeeding will hurt…I’m worried how baby and wallet friendly bottle feeding will be This one is a BIG stretch. It's like they were trying to find all this negative stuff to say "look at me adopting, feel sorry for me because I have to do this."

You’re researching baby products to find out their safety ratings…I’m researching the effects of drugs and alcohol in case I’m presented with a case where one or both were used during the pregnancy I'm doing the researching of baby products myself, why aren't they doing this as well? Yes the other is also a concern, but not a HUGE one until you are presented with a case where the birthmother has admitted to use. You really don't know if you are being told the whole truth. But that's part of this process that you know before you begin so either accept it & or move on to something else.

You’re wondering who the baby will look more like…I’m wondering how the world around me will react if my baby is of another race than me I guess I am both of these, but focusing more on what the baby will look like because that's way more fun!

You’re stressed about your portion of the hospital bill for the birth…I’m stressed about the mountains and mountains of legal fees I’m going to have to pay Yes adopting is expensive, but I wouldn't call the legal fees "mountains and mountains" but that might be a state thing. I wonder what kind of car they drive & how much they paid for it.

You’re counting down the days until your due date…I’m counting the days that have passed since I completed my home study with no adoption placement in sight But you know I will happen eventually so chill! Patience is a virtue.

You’re enjoying baby showers and the attention that comes with being pregnant…I’m *trying* to enjoy the quietness that stills exists in my life for now (and will continue for an undisclosed period of time) Where is it written that you can't have a shower when you are adopting? And since we don't have other kids I really am enjoying the freedom I know will be gone in the not to distant future. I'm thinking that will just make me more accepting when we do have a little one to be responsible for. Which by the way, is the same for any couple pregnant with their first baby.

You’re not sleeping thanks to the baby’s moments…I’m not sleeping thanks to not having a baby and wondering when it will happen Ugh! You don't think pregnant women lay awake at night worrying about things?

You’re nesting…I’m dying to nest Where is it written that you can't nest? With 6 miscarriages, for me it was when I was pregnant that I felt like I couldn't or shouldn't do any "nesting". Now I truly feel free to do as much as I want because "it's not if but when"

You’re deciding if you should start a college fund now…I’m deciding what items I’ll pay a birth mother for during her pregnancy (clothes, transportation, medical, rent, etc.) Do you not expect your adopted child to not go to college? If they are so worried about the money then they should maybe re-think the idea of adoption.

You’re excited and nervous for what the future will hold for your baby…I’m excited and nervous for what the future will hold for my baby Finally! They have something positive to say about this adoption.

You’re becoming a mom through biology…I’m becoming a mom through love ...I'm pretty sure some biological mothers become moms through love

I feel better now. I guess this just really bugged me because she seemed kind of whiny and negative. Really NEGATIVE! After I wrote the above I wondered if it was okay to post so I read it to Jeff. He agreed with me and said something to the effect of "parenthood is not a right it's a privilege", and if they were so focused on how crappy their lot-in-life was that they had to adopt then maybe they should rethink adopting in the first place. This might be way of coping with her infertility issues, and by now she's worked through all of this negativity and is excited about becoming a parent!

Baby Book - So Excited I Had To Share

Found a great baby book on Amazon specifically for adoptions! I got it in the mail this week & it's even better than I hoped. Check it out
My Family, My Journey

One of the reviews gives a list of what is included. And since I am inherently lazy (or resourceful depending on how you look at it) I've pasted it below, with a reference to the Reviewer

From a review by Sharon "arizona" (Fairfax, VA) -

--Before You Were Born (The story of us and how we came to be a family); includes space for family photos before and after placement

--The Story of Your Adoption; includes sections for "Why we chose to adopt" (only two lines for text!), "how we found you", and "our hopes and dreams for you"

--People Who Helped Us Find You; includes space for four pictures, names, and "how they helped us find you".

--Waiting; includes sections for "plans and preparations we made"

--The Match!; includes sections for "how we found out" and "how we celebrated"

--A Baby Shower!, includes sections for shower invitation, "favorite shower memories", "special guests", and "special gifts"

--Our Journey to You; includes sections on "where you were", "how we got to you", and "joyful memories"

--Our Very First Meeting; includes space for photograph and sections on "our first impression of you" and "your first impression of us"

--All About Your Name; includes sections on "why we chose your name" and "what it means and where it came from"

--All About Your Birthday; includes sections on "your astrological sign" and "what we know about your birthdate"

--Our Family; includes space for four family individuals: names, relationship, favorite foods, color and animal, and some space for text (no photo space, although you could improvise pretty easily)

--Coming Home; includes sections on "your trip home" and "you wore"

--Your New Home; includes space for a photo of baby's room and sections on "what you thought of your new home" and "what we did on your first day home"

--Introductions and Celebrations; includes sections on "some of the first people you met", "favorite stories" and "favorite presents"

--Your Announcement; includes space for announcement

--Your Adoption Buddies; includes space for four individuals, including photograph, child's name, parents' names, and favorite memories

--Page for four photos of your choice

--Twelve pages marked for months one, two, etc, meant to be the "first year with us" (so not necessarily 1 month of age, 2 months of age, etc). Each page has space for a photograph, and sections for height, weight, and memorable moments & milestones

--First and Favorites; includes sections on first word, favorite toys, first night slept all the way through, favorite foods, first step, favorite songs, other firsts & favorites

--Your Adoption Day; includes sections on judge's name, special people who were there, "how we celebrated", and one full page for a photograph

--Your First Birthday With Us; includes sections on "on your birthday you wore", "all about your birthday cake", "the special people who attended", "gifts you received", and one full page for a photograph

--"Things that Make You Smile", "Things That Make You Cry"

--One full page for "What We Know About Your Birth Family and Where You Came From"

--Two family trees, each on a page opposite each other. One is marked with aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc. The other is blank. There are stickers in a back pocket of the book so that you can fill in other branches/relationships as necessary, and it's up to you if you want the trees to be biological or adoptive families, or one of each.

I also got 2 kids books that focus on adoption, and another about how there are all types of families. Haven't looked closely at these yet, but that's on the agenda for this weekend!

And So We Wait

All adoption paperwork is done (for now)! Now it's time to focus one preparing for a newborn.

For those nog sure of the whole adoption process, there are a lot of decisions to make about what sort of adoption you are comfortable with.

The route Jeff and I have decided to take has two possibilities for what will happen next.

1 - We get "matched" with a birth mother who has made a tough decision before she has given birth. With this option we can make a loose plan for the next few months, since we'll have an idea on due date, etc. we'll also probably get more of a chance to communicate with the birth mother before the birth.

2 - Option 2 is, we get a call that z birth mother is in the hospital & already given birth. That could happen at any time, and anywhere here in Texas.

So here is my list of things I can check off of a list ;)

Shower(s) scheduled - check
Baby basics registered for - check
Crib bought & put together - check

"Baby on the Ground" bag almost packed & will include the following
* 2 oz baby bottles
* box of newborn diapers
* wipes
* car seat
* several onsies washed & ready to go
* blanket
* cute baby booties

Oh! Should probably include a hat/cap. I think that's all we'll need in case we get a call & we have to take off.